SV: 8-17 "Hex" Review/Recap

Last week was amazing; this week we get another filler episode. Chloe is hands-down my favorite character... except when she’s played by Erica Durance. ED just doesn’t have the subtle facial expressions or the acting skill to bring Chloe to life. Most of the time, ED played Chloe as Lois saying Chloe-dialogue. Not convincing.

"Hex" was an interesting episode meta-wise. It sort of, very vaguely touched upon the Chlois Theory. Well, actually, no it didn’t because the Chlois Theory is about Chloe Sullivan always having been iconic Lois Lane in disguise. "Hex" gave us Chloe looking like SV’s Lois.

What’s interesting, however, is "Hex" very clearly states that Lois is now living Chloe’s dream life. This is reinforced by executive producer Brian Peterson in an interview. Furthermore, the episode makes a point of saying that Chloe still wishes she had that life – but not literally as Lois Lane (no kidding). Now the end of the episode has Chloe deciding to become Watchtower. My question is why take an episode to show Chloe longing for that life? And why have Chloe admit it in front of Clark?

Tom Welling has excellent comedic timing. His Clark-Kent-nerdy-reporter reminded me of Christopher Reeve.

 

Chloe stands on a balcony looking out over the city. She fingers her wedding band. A box is placed beside her. The card reads "From Clark". "Clark, you shouldn’t have" she says with a smile. When she turns around, however, it’s Oliver who is standing beside her. Talk about disappointment. Oliver explains that Clark is off with Bart on a crisis in Keystone. He urges Chloe to open Clark’s gift. Clark’s gift is a copy of Tales of the Weird and Unexplained. Aw, that’s sweet. Chloe remarks that she hasn’t seen this in ages. Oliver asks if she’s okay. Chloe replies that birthdays make her reflective. Oliver encourages her to go back inside to the party.

 

Chloe spots Lois laughing with a couple. Chloe says that that was supposed to be her life. One day she was on the fast track to being an intrepid reporter, she blinked and she was an under qualified shrink for meteor infected kids who’ll probably end up as psycho-killers while Lois and Clark have matching press badges. Lex and Brainiac had a big hand in the sudden turn. Chloe adds that she had about 2.3 seconds of happily-ever-after before her marriage imploded. And Doomsday had a hand in that. Oliver is not sympathetic. Chloe’s had the year from hell but he can’t be spared a couple of encouraging words on her birthday. Jerk. Murdering, blackmailing jerk. Oliver thinks Chloe might be jealous. Chloe says that she’s not; she just misses the bullpen. Lois comes bounding up with a b-day cupcake with one candle. "One year closer to the sweet release of death" says clueless Lois with a smile. Hopefully Lois’ death. She says that she has to leave because there’s a revolt in Mexico and the DP is flying her first class to cover it. She puts a crown on Chloe’s head and leaves. Well, couldn’t Lois wait for Chloe to blow out the cupcake?

A woman in a magician’s outfit complete with fishnet stockings looks over at Chloe and Oliver. Oliver’s cell rings and he's off. Duty calls. Chloe is left standing alone with her cupcake. Oliver is stopped by the woman, Zatanna, but he quickly directs her to Chloe and leaves. Zatanna tells Chloe to make a wish. Chloe looks over at Lois talking up a storm on her cell. Zatanna’s eyes glow light blue. Chloe blows out the candle.

Later Chloe plops in her bed still wearing her dress and crown. Next morning she puts her feet in her bunny slippers (hee!); they don’t fit. She glances in the mirror. "I’m Lois" she says shocked as wacky music plays. ED attempts a Chloe expression.

Chloe is dressing herself in front of the mirror as she talks to Lois. Her clothes are really tight. She asks if Lois is okay. Lois says she’s fine and asks about Chloe. Chloe replies she’s fine and hangs up.

At the DP, as Chloe descends the stairs a lackey brings her coffee and her dry cleaning. The lackey is not bothered that "Lois" doesn’t remember his name, he’s just happy to serve. They don’t make lackeys like that anymore. Chloe looks at Lois desk which strewn with back stage passes and a pic of Lois with the Dalai Lama. Lol! That’s hilarious. I wonder if lackey works in the image department. Chloe searches the name "Zatanna, Metropolis". She finds an ad: Zatanna, Mistress of Magic.

Clark comes up behind her. He wonders why she’s not in Mexico. Clark, noticing her too tight clothes, asks if the DP has a limit on the dress code. Chloe starts to explain but Clark asks if it can wait till her "post-lunch pre-dinner after coffee snack break". Clark is actually enjoying making fun of Lois. Clark can’t imagine that Lois has anything more to say after calling him 6 times the night before. Wow. Stalker much? Upon hearing he had time for 6 phone calls, Chloe asks why he didn’t call Chloe on her b-day. Clark thinks that Lois is upset because he took Jimmy’s side. He adds that he doesn’t believe Jimmy’s stuff about Davis but "It’s kind of tough when the person you’re trying to build your life with doesn’t believe in you". Clark is talking about himself, as usual. Chloe considers what Clark said. Clark asks if she’s okay. Chloe replies that she’s not. Just then there’s a report of a police standoff. Clark wonders why Lois is not gung ho to go. Chloe picks up Lois’ dry cleaning and says "Start your engines, Smallville". Clark, satisfied, leaves.

At LuthorCorp, Oliver is working in Lex’s office?! What the heck? Not only did Oliver murder Lex but he’s taken over his office?! Talk about cold. Oliver reads an article in the DP on the search for Lex’s killer. Zatanna appears behind him. She introduces herself. Oliver asks if with a name like Zatanna, she lost a bet. He asks why she’s stalking him. Zatanna says she needs Oliver’s help and money is no object since her father left her an estate in Shadow Crest. Upon hearing Shadow Crest, Oliver asks if she’s John Zatara’s, the maestro of magic, is her father. Oliver says he knows what it’s like to lose family. Zatanna explains that she lost more than her father. She lost a legacy recorded in a book that’s been passed down through generations. Lex acquired the book at auction after her father died. Oliver cockily asks if Zatanna can’t just use magic to get the book. Zatanna explains that her father only taught her parlor tricks. Oliver replies that while Queen Industries may have absorbed LuthorCorp holdings, but Lex’s private collection is off limits. Zatanna offers to grant Oliver one wish – big or small. The offer expires at midnight. Oliver looks down at the article on Lex’s disappearance. When he looks up, Zatanna has disappeared.

Clark and Chloe are walking toward the police standoff. Clark notes that Lois hasn’t insulted him once today. Ah yes. The famed "banter" that’s actually put-downs and insults. Chloe says that she rolled out of bed on the right side. Well, that sounds like Lois – Lois is always mixing up her idioms. As they walk, Chloe loses her balance and Clark catches her. Clark asks why Lois is giving him a look. Chloe replies that he never looks at her that way. What way? Clark always looks confused. Of course, if she means with puppy-dog eyes, Chloe is wrong. Clark has looked at her that way many times. Of course, Chloe wouldn’t see that as she’s got serious self-esteem issues when it comes to men. Clark looks even more confused.

A man stands on a balcony screaming in a foreign language while throwing pillows(?). That doesn’t look like much of a standoff. A cop approaches Chloe and hands her money. "This squares us up before Friday’s poker game" he says. He says he’s working on his bluff. Chloe asks what’s going on with their "Sophoclean town crier". The cop stops a beat and explains that the man’s been babbling in Latin all day. "Woman, magic, cursed on, book brings death" Chloe translates. Clark asks when she learned Latin. "Zatanna, Zatanna" yells the man. Chloe grabs Clark. She says that it’s the same witchy woman that did this to her and she knows where Zatanna is performing tonight. She suggests that Clark superspeed to the antiques shop to dust off any leads. Clark is surprised at Lois’ use of "superspeed". He notes that they didn’t bring a car. Chloe reveals that she’s Chloe. Clark squints at her. "Stood-up-at-the-formal Chloe! Planted-one-on-you-because-of-Zod Chloe! Krypton-Fortress-Brainiac-Jor-El Chloe!" Chloe blurts out quickly. "Chloe!" says Clark finally catching a clue. Chloe says that some magician showed up at her B-day party and hexed her but Clark would know that if he hadn’t skipped it to answer voice mails from Lois. Touché, Chloe! "Not that I’m dwelling" adds Chloe. Poor Clark. Too much information to process at once.

 

They arrive at the place Zatanna is performing. Clark wonders how he didn’t pick on Chloe’s transformation sooner. Clark starts to explain about what he said about Jimmy. Shut up, Clark. Chloe says it’s okay. Clark’s an equal opportunity good guy. Eh, not so much. Chloe says that the book was a nice callback. Clark says that he was hoping it’d bring her back to a time when things were... weird and unexplained finishes Chloe. Chloe wonders if Clark misses it. Clark says that weird is so normal it’s not weird anymore. There are days when he wishes he could forget about saving the world and just be a normal reporter. He breaks the door open with a smirk.

Inside, Zatanna looks at a pic of her dad. "It won’t be much longer" she tells him. Clark asks much longer for what. Zatanna doesn’t recognize Lois. Chloe reminds her of the enchanted cupcake. Clark says that Zatanna has to reverse the curse she put on Chloe. I love the use of the word "curse". It is a curse. Who wants to be Boobstein? Zatanna says it was a gift and, in that moment, that’s what Chloe wanted. Chloe admits to being a little jealous of Lois living her dream life with Clark at the Planet. Clark looks surprised/confused. Zatanna says that once Chloe doesn’t want it anymore, she’ll switch back. "Fine. I don’t wantt titt" says Erica. Nothing happens. Clark asks Zatanna if the man from the antique shop wanted to rant like a lunatic. Zatanna suggests that maybe he wanted an understanding of dead languages. She wanted an antique of her father’s. It was a fair trade. Eh, not so much. Zatanna says that everyone has something they wish they could change... even Clark. Zatanna wonders what Clark’s wish would be. Her eyes flash light blue. Chloe rushes over to Clark. Zatanna’s disappeared. She asks if Clark is okay. Clark says he’s fine. Chloe thinks something has to be different. Clark just looks at her. Uh oh.

As they’re leaving, Chloe realizes that she shouldn’t have brought Clark along since magic affects Clark. She asks again if Clark is okay. "Yes, Lois" he replies. Uh oh. "What did you just call me?" asks Chloe. A distance away a woman fights with a mugger. Chloe looks at Clark whose noticed the commotion. She asks if Clark is going to do anything. Clark puffs up his chest and says Lois is right. He heroically whips out his cell phone and calls 911. Lol! TW played that to perfection.

Back at the DP, Clark tells "Lois" that’s he’s not that gullible. Ha. Chloe insists that she is Chloe. Clark says that at first he had trouble telling them apart. Lois is the tall one. Lol! Chloe reminds Clark that he called her "Chloe" before Zatanna "bibbity bobbity booed" him. She adds that before they met Zatanna Clark was saying how he sometimes wished he could forget about the saving-the-world thing. "If something seems too weird to be true, it usually is" says Clark. Chloe looks confused. So am I. "It’s rule #4 of Lois Lane’s Rules of Reporting" he clarifies. Hmmm. What exactly constitutes weird I wonder. Meteor freaks? A supersuit? Aliens? Lois will one day get an interview with Superman?! Not with that attitude. Chloe insists that Clark made a wish to lose one of his double lives. Clark asks what double life is he’s supposed to have. Chloe looks like she has an idea. She grabs Clark’s arm.

 

DP roof: Clark is worried because they’re not allowed up there. Chloe tells Clark that he’s a hero. Clark jokes that he’s a regular Green Arrow. He adds that he just reports the news. Chloe reminds him that he’s a superhuman being from another planet. Technically he’s not human so he’s a superbeing from another planet. Clark asks that she not tell HR. He heads for the door. Chloe rushes to the door, locks it and closes it. Clark is horrified that she just locked them out. Chloe orders Clark to "open the damn door". Clark says they need a key. He reaches for the handle and tears it off the door. Chloe asks if Clark believes her. Clark believes that the handle needs better maintenance; it’s rusted. Ha! Chloe tells Clark to really listen. Clark hears all the sounds from around Metropolis. Clark is stunned that the acoustics are incredible. As he pauses to marvel, Chloe takes a metal pipe and tries to hit Clark. She misses. Clark is upset. It could have really hurt. Try again, Chloe. He can’t dodge it forever. Chloe insists that Clark has superspeed, superspeed, superhearing, and x-ray vision. Clark says that he needs to find a way off the roof unless his powers include flight. No, Clark, you’re still a weenie on that one.

Two security guards walk around a LuthorCorp warehouse. They hear a noise. They draw their guns and approach an arrow. It releases a gas and they drop to the floor. Green Arrow lands nearby. He apologizes to them and promises a nice Christmas bonus. He walks over to a box and pries it open. In it is an old book. Outside he stands over a flaming garbage can. Zatanna appears behind him. She thanks him for finding her book in style. GA pretends not to know her. Zatanna isn’t buying it. Oliver drops the pretence. Zatanna asks for the book. Oliver says that the book contains "dark stuff". Zatanna says that she can grant everyone their wish – everyone but her. She begs Oliver to give it to her. It’s the only way to bring her father back. Oliver throws the book toward the fire but the book flies to Zatanna. He draws his bow but Zatanna casts a spell that chains Oliver to a nearby post. Oliver says that she just can’t bring someone back from the dead. No but you can murder them, right Oliver? Zatanna apologizes and leaves.

At Met Gen, Clark and Chloe walk into Uri’s hospital room. He is strapped down. Clark asks if he speaks English. Uri asks who they are. Chloe introduces herself as "Lois Lane". She apologizes and explains that they thought he was under some kind of spell. Clark denies believing that. Uri realizes that Chloe knows. Chloe says that they know Zatanna gave him a wish in exchange for information on a book. Uri says that he should have never given Zatanna info on the book. She’s too blinded to see the danger she’s in. Clark asks what sort of danger. Uri explains that Zatanna must be stopped from resurrecting her father. The incantation to bring a life back requires the taking of a life in return. "A life for a life. A soul for a soul" says Uri ominously. Dun dun dun!

On the DP roof, Zatanna starts the incantation to bring her father back.

Back on the street, Clark notes that Uri sounded like he believed what he said. Chloe insists that it’s because it’s the truth. They look up to see "lightning" around the DP globe. Clark thinks they’re too late. Chloe tries to convince Clark that there are no buts with him. No exception to the rule. She wills him to superleap up and stop Zatanna. Clark is unsure. "If you won’t believe in yourself then let me believe in you" says Chloe. "Use the power you feel. The world needs you." Clark looks up determined. Behind him is a bright light. He turns around and is surprised to find Chloe. Woohoo! "Chloe! That’s..." he starts. "... impossible?" finishes Chloe. Chloe tells Clark he can do this – "Up up and away!" Clark takes off his coat and jumps.

On the DP roof, Zatanna is standing in front of a bright oval light. Clark tells her to stop. He asks if she’s willing to give her life for her father’s. Zatanna says that it’s what he did for her. She owes him this. She heads toward the light. Clark asks if her father would want her to give up the life he gave her to bring him back. Zatanna angrily asks what Clark knows about losing a father. Ooh. Clark’s favorite topic – himself. Clark says that when he lost Jon, he thought his life would never be the same but he had to let him go. Just then Chloe opens the door and walks into the light. Zatanna says that it should have been her. Clark says that they get to choose the life they’ve been given. He’s finally the man his father wanted him to be. Eh, not so much. Zatanna reverses the spell and Chloe falls to the ground. Clark runs to check on her.

 

Talon apartment: Chloe puts on her bunny slippers. They fit perfectly. She smiles at the mirror. Clark barges in. He hold a peace offering for missing her birthday. Chloe says that it’s a casualty of being a hero. Not everyone would have punched through Zatanna’s spell to save the day. Clark replies that he couldn’t have done it without Chloe (not Lois!). He thanks her for reminding him who he really is. Chloe wonders if Clark remembers everything. Clark says yes. It felt as though a weight had been lifted. Chloe says it must have been hard to harness up again. Clark says that it felt empty. This is who he is. Chloe replies that Clark is not the only one to see the world through irony-colored glasses. Clark asks why Chloe waited so long to tell him what was going on. Chloe says that her life has been less that desirable. Now that’s an understatement! Chloe admits that there’s an appeal to the "dynamic duo's" weekly adventures. Clark assures her that she hasn’t missed much. Things haven’t been smooth between him and Lois. Have they ever? What with the cutting "banter". Chloe realizes that Clark won’t tell Lois his secret but Lois Lane is a part of his life. She mentions the "constant puppy-dog eyes" he gives Lois. Clark looks confused. "Just because you were burned once doesn’t mean that you can’t give it a second chance" adds Chloe. Clark asks if they are still talking about him or about Chloe and Jimmy. "Touché" replies Chloe. She’s talking about neither of them living in the past: "You can never be who you want to be if you’re looking over your shoulder at what could have been". They clink their coffee cups to that.

Oliver enters his office to find Zatanna waiting for him. She apologizes. Oliver says he deciphered what she said – "Bound by steel". He had plenty of time to figure it out when she left him to die or be discovered as the GA. Zatanna says that she wants to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Oliver suggests she not do it again. Zatanna starts to leave. Oliver says that what matters is that she made the tough choice and he respects that. Zatanna says that there are people that have more nasty magics than she does. She hands Oliver her card and tells him to call if he runs into magic again. Sounds like an opening for an s9 episode. Oliver eyes the card. He asks how he should use the card to summon her. Zatanna replies that it has her phone number. She winks and is gone.

At the DP, Lois is squeaking her chair much like Clark did in "Odyssey". Geez, grow up already. Lois asks how long it took for Clark to realize it wasn’t her. Clark replies that he should have picked up on it because Chloe is not as bossy and she let him drive. Lois wants to see the framed Rules of Journalism. Clark, defeated, hands them to her. Lois is impressed by Clark’s sentimentality. Clark clarifies that it’s a memento from his first day on the job and a constant reminder that there’s only one Lois Lane. He looks really, really resigned. Poor Clark. Lois stands and takes her purse. A guy in first class asked her out and she accepted. Clark says that he’s just going to hang at the Planet. He asks if Lois wants him to call her if anything comes through the wire. Lois asks if it’s to stand her up again. Clark starts to say something and Lois interrupts. She suggests tabling this whole thing and going back to basics. Clark thinks it’s a good rule. Lois suggests adding it to the list and leaves.

Oliver walks into Isis. He asks if Chloe is ready. "Ready as you are" is the reply. Oliver warns that it means leaving Chloe’s old life as a reporter behind forever. Chloe says that after spending a day at the DP she realized that that’s someone else’s life. Oliver observes that everyone has more clarity after a dose of the Zatanna dust. Chloe opens a box containing an earpiece and a remote. She hands the earpiece to Oliver. Chloe answers that Oliver already knows what he wants to be. Oliver asks if it’s what she really wants. She replies that this is where she belongs. She uses the remote to open the doors to the computer room. One by one the monitors come online each displaying a superhero – AC, BC, Cyborg, and Impulse. "Arrow online" Oliver says. Chloe puts her earpiece on. "Watchtower is officially online" she says.

Eh. I really hope Chloe has only temporarily abandoned her dreams of working at the DP (like she temporarily tried and dropped Isis). It’s who she is since she was 8 years old...

"Mom! Mom! Mom, mom, I want you to be the first to read it: "Long Live the Loch Ness Monster”. Mr. Hedgis said it was my best story yet; even better than the one about the alien abduction." 8-year-old Chloe to her mom in "Progeny"

"I'm so proud of you... my little cub reporter." -- Moira to 8 year-old Chloe in "Progeny"

"You’re headed for Metropolis. You are destined to be a big shot reporter at the Daily Planet. Do you really picture Clark Kent being able to keep up with you?" -- Lois to Chloe in "Spirit"

"Okay, so it's actually the basement, but it's the Daily Planet: the paper of record for kings, presidents, and prime ministers...not to mention future superheroes. The way I look at it, I had no place to go but up, up, and away." -- Chloe in "Thirst"

"Clark, I'm a writer. If I was going to kill myself, I would leave one hell of a suicide note." -- Chloe in "Tomb"

"Whoa. She has a lot of information about superhumans." – Garth going through Chloe’s Torch/Level 3/Level 33.3/Isis articles in "Legion"

"I read your articles, Chloe Sullivan." -- Faora in "Bloodline"

"Okay, just for a second, maybe I was a little jealous of Lois living my dream life with Clark at the Planet. But I didn't literally want her life. Not like this." -- Chloe in "Hex"