GG: 2-2 "Never Been Marcused" Review

This GG was fun if a little transparent. Blair is still Queen B. Chuck fails again but is undeterred. Nate is a dumbass. Markus is oblivious. And Serena and Dan are boring.

Gossip Girl’s Guide to Summer tells us that 1) Don’t fall asleep on the job 2) The best hookups are free of morning breath and awkward conversation 3) The only thing harder than making up is waking up


Serena and Dan wake up on the beach after the White Party. They kiss good morning. Serena says she’s confused. Last was amazing and confusing. Dan now confused as well. Serena says that it feels so right that they’re together but she thinks they should think before they get back together. Now I’m confused. Dan agrees although he starts to kiss Serena again. Serena stops them. She says it’s a big decision and they did break up for a reason. They kiss again. Serena says she’ll see Dan back in the city with plenty of people around them and they’ll talk. She leaves.

GG says that there is no "we" in "summer" only "u" and "me". She suggests finding out where you stand before you find yourself stood up.

Blair and Markus ride bikes in the park. Blair asks what is next for Markus given that he doesn’t go to Princeton or Georgetown. Markus replies that he’ll go wherever Blair goes. Blair jokingly calls Markus “my lord” and admits that she was up reading. She’s well versed in Markus’ lord ways and she’s ready to meet the queen.

A little later, Blair and Markus sit in a restaurant. Blair says that she has to get back to the city - senior year awaits. Markus says that a beautiful girl, autumn in New York; he thinks he can find a way to entertain himself. His family would be happy that he’s staying in one place. At the mention of family, Blair says that she’d love to meet the duke and duchess. Markus makes a vague response. Blair excuses herself and goes outside to call Serena.

Blair blurts out that things aren’t working with Lord Markus. Serena is confused. Blair explains about James being Lord Markus and she loves him. That was fast. When Serena questions her choice of words, Blair amends it to “like very much”. Serena believes that this is still about revenge on Chuck. Blair replies that revenge is so 12 hours ago. Serena asks Blair to clarify the problem. Blair says that Markus is being vague about the future. Chuck sneaks behind Blair into the restaurant while Blair is talking.

In the restaurant, Chuck approaches Markus. He asks if he can join him. Markus refuses. He says that he’s dining with Blair. Chuck says that he gets that Markus is with Blair now but there is no reason they can’t be civil. Uh-oh. What’s Chuck up to? They shake hands.

Serena incredulously reminds Blair that she just found out Markus’ real identity and it’s too soon to be thinking about the rest of their lives. “Not the rest of the year”, Blair shoots back. Blair says that it’s the season for flings. Serena notes that Blair as a fling is not exactly low maintenance. Now that’s an understatement. Blair wonders where Serena went after the party. Just then, Serena sees Dan waiting at the bus stop. She tells Blair she’ll talk to her later.

Serena walks up to Dan. She tells him she thought he’d take the train but they’re both taking the jitney. Dan claims that he was going to use the down time to do some thinking. Serena says that just because they aren’t going to make out, doesn’t mean they should avoid one another. They agree to sit away from one another. This is kind of silly.

Blair walks back into the restaurant to see Chuck sitting with Markus. She asks Chuck what he’s doing in her chair. Markus explains that he and Chuck have a date to play squash. Blair tells “Charles” that she wants a sidebar. When Chuck replies that he’s not finished with Markus, Blair says that it wasn’t a question. She ushers Chuck away from the table. She tells Chuck that she likes Markus. Chuck says he does too and Markus doesn’t have too many friends. Blair pushes Chuck away and Chuck takes the hint and leaves. Blair goes back to the table and lies that Chuck told her that he and Serena are leaving immediately and she’d like to catch a ride back to town with Markus. Markus is none the wiser to the Chuck/Blair scheming.

Nate walks up to his mom who is busy planting flowers in the garden. He tells her that he’s heading back in the city. At his mother’s obvious uneasiness, he asks if Louise is still at the house. Anne says that the prosecutors took Howie’s leaving as an admission of guilt and have frozen all their assets as restitution. Anne says that asked Nate’s grandfather for help but it didn’t do any good. For the time being, Anne has been cut off. Hey, what about Nate? Nate is angry that his mom kept this from him. Anne says that she’s trying to make it all go away but she needs Nate to trust her. Nate’s phone rings. It’s Catherine. He doesn’t answer the phone.

Catherine is lying on her bed. She tells Nate’s answering machine that the night before wasn’t smart. Oh good; someone is thinking. She adds they’ll just have to be much cleverer when they get to the city. Oh. When she hangs up, the phone rings again. It’s Markus. Markus says that he wanted to say goodbye to her and his dad before he left. She informs Markus that his dad is in Boston but she’d like to meet him for dinner to talk about his summer.

Blair comes out of the restaurant with a bottle of champagne. They get in the limo and Blair opens the bottle.

Serena and Dan are on the jitney. They aren’t sitting together. Serena seductively takes a chocolate covered strawberry and eats it all the while glancing back at Dan. She starts to head to the back of the bus when the bus hits a bump that has her falling into Dan’s lap. Oh brother. She grabs Dan’s hand and the two of them stumble into the bathroom at the back. This is silly. Serena’s decision to take things slow is just an excuse to create meaningless melodrama.

In the limo, Blair asks Markus what he’s doing later. Markus says that he’s having dinner with the duchess. Blair smiles and replies she’d love to have dinner with Markus’ mother. Markus corrects her. It’s his step-mom and he wasn’t including Blair in the dinner plans. Blair, thinking quickly, says that it’s too bad Markus will miss her party. Blair lies that every year she has a welcome to the city party for her friends and it’s her favorite event. Markus says he’ll cancel with the duchess. Blair texts Dorota, her maid, to tell her to plan a party.

In another limo, Nate asks Chuck if he’s outmatched. Chuck, thinking Nate is talking about his squash game with Markus, reminds Nate that he’s been his dad since the 8th grade. Nate says that Chuck’s outmatched as a guy. Ouch. Blair wants to be a princess and Chuck’s greatest achievement is part owner of a burlesque club. Chuck says that he needs to get to know Markus so he can get him out of the way and have a clear shot at Blair. Nate quips that it’s love when you start talking like an assassin. Ha! Chuck gets a call which he puts off till later.

Rufus walks into a restaurant. Vanessa tells him it’s not finished but he should get the idea. Rufus is amazed with what Vanessa did to convert their storage space into a café. He adds that it’s a great homecoming present.


Nate walks into his apartment to find the police going through his stuff. When Nate accuses them of enjoying what they’re doing, a cop answers that they don’t want a yard sale, they want Howie locked up. Nate insists that he doesn’t know where his dad is. He figures that he’ll just deal with being broke. The cop says that Nate might be able to deal with it but he’s not so sure about Nate’s mom. She might not adjust as well as Nate. When the cop leaves, Nate calls Catherine. He tells her voice mail that he needs to talk to someone and to call him back.

Squash court: When Markus misses a shot, Chuck notes that he appears distracted. He asks if there is something he can do to help. Markus confides that it’s The Duchess. Markus says that no one is ever good enough for her. He’s dated a lot of girls but The Duchess always manages to get inside their heads, figure out their worst fears to exploit it. He adds that Blair is desperate to meet her. They complete the game and Markus lets out that he has to get ready for Blair’s party at the Hudson. Chuck tells Markus that his cell had a problem earlier and takes Markus’ home number.

Blair is freaking out over her last minute party. Looking over the guest list, she orders Dorora to invite a who’s who so she can make an impression on Markus. Serena walks in. She wonders why Blair is having a last minute party. Blair explains that she has to show Markus that she is worthy of meeting his family. She asks if Dan would come seeing as he’s into soccer (football for Markus). Serena jokes that Blair may have just found a redeeming quality in Dan.

Nate goes to see Chuck at his apartment. Weren’t they just in a limo together? Chuck replies that it’s not a good time. Behind him are a couple of men in suits. He’s liquidating his shares in Vitrola. He thinks that what Nate said in the limo was accurate. If he’s going to compete with Markus, he must rise to his level. Chuck says that he needs to get back to business and Nate leaves. Chuck returns to the guys in suits. He asks if it’ll take much longer. He told Mrs. Archibald he’d have it done that night. Aww, he wants to help Nate and his mom. That’s sweet.

Dan and Serena discuss the bus incident on the phone. Blah. This is pointless. Dan suggests that they need time alone to figure things out. They agree to do that after Blair’s party.

At the new café, Nate tells Vanessa about the agents at his apartment. He believes they are trying to scare him and his mom to find out where Howie is. Vanessa asks if Nate knows where he is. Nate nods yes but he couldn’t rat him out. Vanessa jokes that if the worst comes true, she’ll give his mom pointers on how to do more with less. Nate’s phone rings. It’s his mom. She tells him she was able to fix things. She got a loan from a family friend. Nate wants to know who. Anne clarifies that it’s someone outside her regular circle who offered to help. Nate asks if it’s someone in his regular circle. His mom tells him to drop it. Nate hangs up and tells Vanessa that he needs to find Chuck and he’ll meet her later.

Chuck waits in a posh lobby. Catherine approaches. Chuck is surprised that Markus’ “mom” is so young. He asks her to sit. GG asks if it’s “Risky Business” or strictly business.

Everyone is bored at Blair’s party. Blair is trying too hard. Serena asks who these people are. Blair explains that Dorota invited them. Dan shows up and Blair is quick to introduce him to the lord. Everything is still awkward so Blair downs her drink. Markus offers to get her another. Serena and Dan walk away to talk.

Serena spots Chuck. She notes that Chuck is at the party but Blair didn’t invite him.


Chuck comes in with The Duchess. Blair, really annoyed, makes a beeline to Chuck. She demands to know what he’s doing here. Serena explains to Dan that it’s Nate’s mom’s friend. Serena runs over to Blair, Chuck, and Catherine. Chuck introduces Catherine to Blair as his friend. “Why? So she can warn me about the effects of too much botox?” Blair quips. Ouch. Catherine introduces herself. Blair goes from annoyed to embarrassed as Serena joins them.

At the newly created café, Rufus comes back while Vanessa arranges the flowers on the tables. Rufus offers her a job at the café because he’s hoping to go on another tour. Vanessa says that she’d be happy to stick around.

Serena urges Blair to apologize to The Duchess. Blair tells Catherine that she’s sorry and adds that her work is flawless. Even when Blair apologizes she gets a jibe in. Blair figures that Chuck has clued Catherine on her faults (blackmail, social torture of a freshman). She assures Catherine that there is an explanation for everything. Catherine reveals that Chuck didn’t say a thing. Both Blair and Serena are surprised. Hehehe – put your foot in your mouth, Blair. Catherine assures Blair that regardless of what Chuck did or didn’t say, Markus will never end up with a lowly Waldorf.


Nate comes up to the trio. Once again is completely underdressed. Serena tries to run interference, but Nate and Catherine are surprised to see each other. Serena explains, rather poorly, that Nate and Catherine know each other from book club. Ha! Serena explains to Nate that Blair is dating Catherine’s stepson. She also explains to Catherine that Nate and Blair are exes. This went from funny to deliciously wrong.

Later, Blair whines that her party’s a bust and her whole life’s a bust. Serena replies that it serves Blair right. She was scheming to convince Markus she’s someone she’s not. Blair defends her actions. Serena insists that if Blair is herself, she’ll win Catherine over. Not with remarks about Botox, she won’t.

Nate walks over to Chuck. He asks how Chuck could do this to him. Chuck thinks is about the Duchess. It isn’t. Nate is upset that Chuck is financially helping his (Nate) mom. Nate says that Chuck knew Nate would never let him do that. Nate is angry that his best friend lied to his face. Oh, please. Nate is king of the liars. He should thank Chuck for coming to his mom’s rescue. And wasn’t he over at Chuck’s to ask for help earlier? What an ungrateful twerp.

Dan and Serena make out some more... this time waiting for the elevator on the way out. Nate spots them. He gets a text from Catherine telling him to meet her in the library and tells Dan and Serena to go on without him.

Nate meets Catherine in the library. He says that it’s all messed up. His ex dating Catherine’s stepson. Nate confides that he now sees where this affair is going. He’d like to have someone to talk to but the best he can hope for with Catherine is to be Blair’s father-in-law. Ewww. Actually he wouldn’t be because Catherine would have to divorce Markus’ father making her unrelated to Markus. Nate says that it’s time to move on. Catherine says that she’s here and she wants to talk.

Rufus walks into his house. He listens to an excited a voice mail from Jenny. He walks around the apartment and spots Jenny’s pattern ideas and Dan’s story. He walks over to a collage of pictures on the wall of summer ’08. He calls his manager, Tanya.

Catherine tells Nate that his mom would rather die than lose her house and things. Nate replies that he’s not going to let that happen. Catherine says that the scandal will destroy Anne. So what’s your point? Nate says he’ll figure something out. You already had a solution Nate – Chuck was willing to help with no strings attached. Catherine says that she’s willing to help him. Nate asks what he would have to do to for her.

Blair asks Dorota where Catherine is. Dorota points to the library. Uh-oh.


Blair walks into the library to see Nate and Catherine on the floor half-dressed. She blurts out “oh my effing god!” Nate and Catherine get up off the floor and arrange their clothes. Nate says that he doesn’t need to explain himself to Blair and walks out. Blair apologizes for judging Catherine earlier. She thought Catherine was a “callow, social climbing former swimsuit model who married above her station” but now that’s she’s seen Catherine on the floor with Nate she sees that Catherine has a compassionate side too. Ooh, Blair’s going for the kill. Blair says that Catherine will accept that although her (Blair’s) “common, lowly, unroyal ways”, Catherine will accept that she and Markus are together.

Markus comes into the library. He wonders if he’s too late. He asks Catherine if she’s managed to scare Blair off. Catherine assures him that she hasn’t and that she’s fond of Blair. Markus is surprised that Catherine likes Blair. She’s never liked his girlfriends. Blair notes that he’s referring to her as a "girlfriend". Catherine's eyes shoot daggers at Blair.

Dan and Jenny come home to find Rufus preparing the first Humphrey meal of the fall. Rufus wants to hear all about his kids’ summer. Dan says that Jenny has stories. Jenny says that Dan finished his story. Dan announces that he’s thinking of writing a novel. Jenny asks what Rufus will write in his memoire. Rufus replies that there is no place like home. Dan suggests that if Rufus is going to write a memoire he should hire a ghost writer.



After the party, Blair tells Serena that she was right. All Blair had to do was be herself and Catherine liked her. They see Chuck who is pouring himself a drink. Blair asks Serena to give them a second. Serena takes Chuck’s drink and walks out. Chuck asks if Blair enjoyed meeting the Duchess. Blair informs Chuck that his plan backfired. Catherine recognized part of herself in Blair or rather (Blair) recognized someone in her. "Tomorrow is another day" replies Chuck.

Nate calls Vanessa to cancel their date. He’s in a limo with Catherine. Catherine hands him an envelope. Nate is an idiot. He should have taken Chuck’s help instead of selling his body to Catherine. His mom would be so proud.