Smallville: 8-2/Metropolis: 1-1 "Plastique" Review

*** Screencaps by KEakaCK's Creative Website"

Strangest thing happened. I sat down to watch Smallville at 8:00 PM and this other show came on. It still starred Tom Welling and Allison Mack. The credits were the same as last week. The show was called Smallville but it resembled nothing of the past 7 seasons. I guess Peterson et al forgot to change the title.

Last week, Clark, Ollie, Dinah and AC decided to split up to find Lex who, dun dun dunnn, knows Clark’s secret. Clark takes a job at the DP (despite not having any qualifications or liking journalism) presumably as a front to find Lex. This week Clark says that he’s joined the Planet because it’s in the middle of the action and he can help people. What about the guys running around looking for Lex? Did he forget about them? When did he decide he wanted to help people?

Last week the DP was owned by LuthorCorp. This week, it’s still owned by LuthorCorp but it’s great a great place to work... because Lex is missing? Clark even urges Chloe to get her old job there. Say what?

Last week, Chloe called herself an unemployed newspaper hack. This week she’s house-sitting Isis for a friend. Isis didn’t have a house-sitter for 4 weeks while she was held at Black Creek. Why does it need one now? She also decides that helping the meteor infected is her calling. Who is this woman and what has she done to Chloe?

Last week Lois had gotten into the DP because Grant/Julian (a Lex clone) had the hots for her. She’d been given special privileges for sleeping with the boss. This week she talks about how once upon a time she wished she could write obits and ads?! What?! Can you say retcon? In fact, Lois' character is full of contradictions, lightswitches, and retcons. It doesn't endear me to the character any.

Last week Lois saw Clark as an annoying little brother. They barely acknowledged each other after Clark went missing for 4 weeks. This week Lois is all over him like a cheap rug; making moon-eyes every chance she gets?! Of course, that could just be Durance’s lousy acting.

Last week Lois didn’t care about the truth. All she cared about was fame and getting paid. This week she suddenly thinks getting the truth is more important that the headline?!

Last week the mainstream media didn’t know about the meteor infected (something Chloe documented meticulously for the last 7 years). This week it’s openly acknowledged and the DP is printing stories on them?!

Last week the Talon was in Smallville. This week it’s in Metropolis?!

There is one constant however. Lois is still an annoying, arrogant, grating, ignorant boob. At least that hasn’t changed.

Are we in an alternate universe? Is Clark still under the ice in the Arctic and he’s hallucinating? Has Brainiac taken over the world? What the heck is going on!

It’s Clark’s first day on the job at the Planet. To drop as many anvils as possible, the writers have Clark wearing a plaid shirt and carrying his backpack. After 3 years of coming to the Planet every day to see Chloe, he doesn’t know what to wear? Yeah, right. Lois, of course, is not impressed. She tells him that he doesn’t want to meet HR looking like "Brawny Lumberjack". Huh? Clark didn’t meet HR? Isn’t it part of the hiring process at the Daily Planet? Clark looks down at his shirt confused. Lois goes over to another reporter’s desk and picks out a blue shirt from his dry cleaning. I’ve seen this scene before in s1 of Smallville with Chloe and Clark.

Lois drags Clark to the phone booth (Clang! Anvil) and tells him to change shirts. Clark starts to protest but Lois shoves him into the phone booth. Lois blathers on about Clark being lucky she’s there to dress him; otherwise he could spend his career being called "Flannel Boy" or "Farmboy". Did she forget she calls him "Smallville"? The newsroom can be brutal, she continues, and he doesn’t want to bomb his first day. Clark comes out wearing a blue shirt *Superman music plays*. Lois is impressed with what she sees. Geez, it only took 4 years – and she saw him naked and everything. So iconic! Yeah. So lightswitched is more like it. Oh but wait, the last 7 years never happened. Suddenly the ground shakes and Lois goes to read the newswire. Clark zips off.


Clark is outside running toward what looks like a bus accident. A guy with a skateboard bumps into him as Clark rushes to the bus. He tears open the top. In full daylight? With everyone around? He helps people get out. He spots a woman unconscious inside the bus, picks her up and brings her to a paramedic. It’s Tess Mercer.

Smallville’s "Save Me" theme music plays.


Chloe comes onto the scene of the accident. She spots a girl covered in soot coughing on the ground. She runs to her and starts yelling for someone to help. A paramedic hears her and comes over. He asks the girl her name. She replies Bette. He puts an oxygen mask over the girl’s face; Chloe helps. Bette holds Chloe’s hand. The paramedic tells Bette that she’s doing well. He adds that Chloe is doing well too. Chloe is thankful that he heard her. The paramedic replies that Chloe hard to miss. Is that flirting? He brings Bette (and Chloe) back to his rig. He introduces himself to Chloe as Davis.


Meanwhile Clark brings a little girl to another paramedic. He asks the paramedic if the woman he rescued from the bus is okay. The paramedic isn’t sure but says that people are being taken to the hospital. Chloe comes toward Clark. Clark goes over and asks if she’s okay. Awww. He holds her by the shoulders. Davis sees them. Chloe asks what happened. Clark says that he’s heard that there’s a bomb on the bus but he hasn’t checked it out yet. Chloe smiles. She says that even a dress shirt can’t hide the hero. Clark says that working at the DP, he hears about every crisis as it happens. He says that he wishes Chloe was there with him. Aww. That’s sweet. He adds that now that Lex isn’t running things. But it’s still under LuthorCorp! LuthorCorp is shady because Lex is evil? Chloe says that she’s spent her entire life striving toward journalism; it’s time for her to try something new. Really?! That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard. She didn’t decide to quit the Planet; Lex fired her for helping the Clark and Chloe vowed Lex would pay. What bull. Just flip a switch, eh, PS3? To add to this inane plot, Chloe doesn’t even have the meteor power anymore. What crap. Clark gets a text from Lois. As Chloe walks away, Clark looks really torn.

He walks back into the Planet. Lois asks if he’s okay. Clark snarks that Lois is worried about him. Lois denies it. Lois asks if Clark heard anything. Clark replies that the police believe the bomb misfired since there weren’t any casualties. She asks who Clark’s source is. Clark says that he didn’t get a name – he was too busy helping people. Lois starts with the rules. Rule #1: Always know your source. Shut up, Lois. Clark says that if Lois is going to teach a class on reporting, he’d rather read the Cliff notes. I’d rather burn the Cliff notes.

A lacky comes up behind Clark. Lois’ face lights up. It’s her first meeting with the boss. The lacky tells Lois that the boss want to see Clark. Lois’ face falls. Lois tells Clark to clean himself up. Rule #2: Always make a good first impression and don’t screw up with the boss. Yes, Clark, screwing the boss is okay, but don’t screw up with the boss. There’s a fine distinction. Clark notes that it’s two rules. It's okay, Clark, Lois never graduated high school (unless that's been retconned too).


Clark walks into the boss’ office. He’s surprised that the woman he saved is his boss. Tess introduces herself as CEO of LuthorCorp. Hey, Clark, get a clue. Tess worked *sniff* for Lex. She must have learnt a thing or two from him. Clark wonders why the CEO of LuthorCorp is taking a bus. Tess replies that she’s trying to be green. Tess says that it was destiny that they meet. She had him on her To Do List. She’s not the only one. Tess says that Lex told her about Clark. Clark lies that there isn’t much to tell. Lex told Tess that Clark’s got a thing for saving people. Tess says that she’s used all of LuthorCorp’s resources to find Lex. Clark asks if she has any leads. Tess turns the question around. She asks if Lex’s good friend can tell her where to look. Clark admits that he hasn’t been friends with Lex for a long time. Tess gives Clark her card and tells Clark to call her if he thinks of anything. She thanks him for saving her life. Before leaving Clark warns his boss that the job consumed Lex’s life and he’d hate to see it consume Tess’. That’s rather presumptuous of you, Clark. And is that it; the big meeting between a new reporter and his boss? The writers are even trying anymore.

Blonde minion walks in after Clark leaves. She notes that Clark is handsome. Tess says that he’s a liar. Blonde says she’ll get someone to watch him. Tess replies she’ll handle this herself.

Metropolis Emergency: Chloe sits waiting for Bette. She brought Bette some food. Bette comes over. Chloe asks about Bette's parents. Bette gets defensive then admits that she hasn’t seen her parents in years. She’s in between homes. Chloe goes to get a soda from the vending machine.

Davis comes up to her. Chloe tells him that Bette is a street kid and she’s going to drop her off at the city shelter. Davis says that Bette is 15; she won’t be safe at the shelter. He adds that Chloe is not streetwise. Chloe replies that she’s trying to help. Davis goes to Bette and suggests a home run by one of his friends. His friend helps girls learn some skills (maybe Lois should go there) and get jobs. He offers to get her an application (scratch that; Lois never applies for anything). Chloe adds that Bette can stay with her. Bette replies snottily. Chloe is about to leave when Bette reconsiders. Chloe adds that one condition is that Bette must think about Davis’ offer.

Outside, Lois is prodding Clark to tell her what Tess wanted. Does Lois know that Tess is the "secretary"/"4 pm booty call" she insulted last week? Lois threatens to hit Clark if he doesn’t tell her what Tess said. Clark replies that she sounds like a jealous girlfriend. She sounds more like a bullying big sister to me. Lois says that it would be like Willie Mays being jealous of a batboy. She tells Clark to watch and learn. She walks over to an on-duty cop and pores on the charm. The cop tells her that no press is allowed. Clark asks if that was a swing and a miss. Heh. Lois says she’s just getting started. She walks back over to the cop and asks if he likes baseball. She says that she can get him a signed autograph of anyone he wants if he’ll just do this one favor. She’s trying to bribe the cop?! Can this woman be any more stupid?

Clark meanwhile has tuned out Lois in favor of finding things out his way. He overhears two officials saying that there was no bomb on the bus. Lois comes back – having struck out. Clark says that there was no bomb. Lois doesn’t believe him. Clark says that they need to talk to someone who was on the bus. He thinks of the homeless girl with Chloe. He suggests Lois talk to homeless girl while he tracks the others. Lois vetoes that. She’s not good with kids so he should talk to the homeless girl while she tracks the others.


At the Talon, Bette makes Chloe grilled cheese. Clark knocks at the door and walks in. Bette is wary of Clark. Chloe attempts to reassure her. Bette recognizes Clark as the person who helped her get off the bus. Clark says he wants to ask her some questions. Clark asks if Bette saw anything unusual before the blast. Bette asks if Clark is a cop. Chloe intervenes. She tells Clark that Bette’s been through a lot and asks what’s going on. Clark says that the police have found no evidence of a bomb. Clark thinks someone with a meteor power caused the blast. Bette asks what a meteor power is. Chloe explains that some people develop powers after being exposed to meteor rock. Bette says that Tommy, another street kid, was exposed to meteor rock and now when he gets angry things heat up. Bette says that they fought, she ran on the bus, and then the bus exploded. Clark asks if Bette knows where Tommy is. Bette says that she’ll show him.

Bette points out Tommy to Clark. She stays behind in the truck while Clark goes to talk to Tommy. Clark approaches Tommy and says he wants to talk. Bette comes up behind Clark and says that it’s okay. Tommy makes a run for it. Clark and Bette follow. He reaches a dead end. As Clark and Bette approach, Tommy yells for them to stay away. He yells at Bette how she could do this to him. Bette’s eye flash yellow and Tommy goes up in flames. Bette has a satisfied look on her face. Why doesn’t Clark notice that Bette is not reacting at all to seeing a guy go up in flames?

At the DP, Clark tells Lois that Tommy was scared. He didn’t mean to hurt anyone. He couldn’t control his powers. Lois thinks that it was textbook karma that Tommy blew himself up. Lois stops a voice recorder. Clark says that she didn’t tell him he was being recorded. Lois tells Clark not to get his "tights in a twist". Tights? Really, writers? Can the anvils be anymore clunky? She’ll refer to Clark as "sources say". So much for "know your source". Lois says that if she’s going to write "Tommy is a human bomb", she needs scientific proof. Proof? I didn’t think "proof" was in Lois’ vocabulary. Clark suggests looking at the autopsy report to see how much meteor rock was in his system. Lois says the coroner won’t release it if it is part of an ongoing investigation but Lois thinks she can find it at the hospital. Rule #3: Do everything you can to get the story. Clark says that there are lines Lois shouldn’t cross. Lois says the only line she’s worried about is a byline. Lois says that she won’t share a byline with Clark but Clark can write Tommy’s obit. Gee, thanks, Lois. What an arrogant, condescending bitch. Lois tells Clark not to look squeamish because most reporters started writing want ads. And some reporters started on the boss’ desk.

Isis Foundation: Chloe is on a table trying to change a light bulb. Hey, get it. Change a light bulb in an episode full of lightswitches? Clever, writers. Or not. Davis comes in. He says that if Chloe reaches a little higher, she’ll need an ambulance. He gets on the table with her to help her change the bulb. Davis says that he has an application for Bette and there’s a spot open for her. Davis helps Chloe get down from the table. Davis wonders about the Isis Foundation. Chloe explains that it’s a counseling center for people with special skills. She’s house-sitting for a friend. Davis asks if it’s meteor types. He adds that he’s seen a lot working as a paramedic. Davis suggests Chloe help the meteor people. Chloe teases about not being street smart. Davis tells her to forget what he said. Chloe admits that she researched Davis. She used to be a reporter and she has a curiosity complex. Chloe blurts out that she’s engaged and Davis is the first person she’s told. When Davis brings up the odd (ugly, cheap) ring, Chloe says that the ring reminds her that her fiancé never gave up on her. Say what? Jimmy’s the reason she was at Black Creek and it was Clark she was waiting for.

At Luthor mansion, Tess looks at Bette's file on her (Lex’s!) laptop. A minion says that they haven’t found Bette yet. Tess replies not to come back till Bette is found. Minion says that Bette is dangerous. When Tess approached her on the bus, she blew it up. Mr. Luthor would have had them terminate the problem on sight. Tess reminds him that she’s the boss.


At the hospital, Clark and Lois walk up a corridor. Clark says that it’s a crime to steal a file. Huh? Lois swipes a card to get into the room. Huh? How did Lois get these cards? She goes into the room – thank goodness. Davis walks up to Clark. Clark recognizes him as one of the rescue workers. Davis recognizes Clark as well. They introduce themselves. Davis says that he met Clark’s fiancée. "I'm getting married?" asks a confused Clark. Davis explains about Chloe. "Chloe is getting married" asks a still confused Clark. Davis realizes his mistake and tells Clark to pretend he doesn’t know. Clark looks pretty shaken up.

At the Talon apartment, Chloe tells Bette about the application Davis left. Bette is packing. She’s leaving Metropolis. Chloe urges her to read the application. She adds that the streets are dangerous. Bette says that a locked door is worse. Bette gets angry and starts a fire on the kitchen counter. Bette says that she wishes Chloe hadn’t made her do that.

At the hospital, Lois comes out with a file. There is nothing about a meteor infection in Tommy’s file. Clark looks at the file. He notes that the coroner found metal shrapnel from the barrels. Clark deduces that if Tommy was responsible for the blast, the shrapnel would have blow away from him, not into him. Lois insists Tommy was bad. Clark says that there is no mention of explosives. Clark realizes that Bette was there for both of the blasts. Lois realizes that Chloe’s in danger. She turns around and Clark zips away. This is getting old real fast. Those of use that have been watching SV since s1 have seen this a million times already. I don’t care how "iconic" it is.


Chloe tells Bette that she understands. Bette can’t control her power. Bette admits that she knew what she was doing. Bette says that there are people after her and Tommy helped them find her. She says that she was in Black Creek for 3 years. She was released a week ago. Chloe admits that she was in Black Creek too. She had a meteor power. Bette says that Chloe knows that she (Bette) had to do what she did. Chloe says that no matter what they do, killing is wrong. Bette says she’s sorry but she can’t risk Chloe turning on her too. Chloe runs out the door and down the stairs. She trips. Clark sees her and yells "No!" He catches her. Bette is knocked back when her blast bounces off a mirror back to her.

Clark approaches Bette. Bette warns him that she can hurt him. Clark doesn’t back down. Bette asks if he’s afraid of her. Clark replies no; he wants to help. Bette asks why he wants to help a monster like her. Clark replies that she’s not a monster. She’s been let down the wrong path. Bette says that she has to lie and hide who she is. Clark replies not from him. He says everyone has something to hide. It’s hard but it gets better. I’m not sure where this is coming from but it’s nice.

Later at the Talon apartment, Clark and Chloe discuss what happened. Chloe says that Bette almost killed her. Clark replies that Chloe couldn’t have known how dangerous she was. Her power was hidden. Chloe says that it’s because Bette didn’t trust anyone. She was in that cell for a few weeks; she can’t imagine being there for 3 years. Clark hopes Bette finds the help she needs at Belle Reve. Oh, brother. Chloe is doubtful. Bette is just being locked away in another cell. Clark asks if Chloe had met Bette sooner, could she have helped her deal with her power. Clark says that sometimes people who need the most help, push away the hardest. Well Chloe is pushing you away, Clark.



Chloe notices that her engagement ring is missing. Clark takes the ring out of his pocket. He hands it to Chloe. He asks if there’s anything Chloe wants to tell him. Chloe asks how Clark knew. She guesses that Jimmy called Clark. Clark mumbles something about Rule 11: Always protect your source. He adds that he’d like the whole story and asks how long she’s been engaged. A week, says Chloe. Clark replies that she could have called anytime. Chloe starts to say that they’ve been friends for a long time. Clark says that they’re more than just friends. Chloe says that when she and Jimmy (blech!) get married, things will change between them. Chloe admits that she’s not ready for that just yet. She asks if Clark is ready. Clark replies that Chloe’s happiness is one of the most important things in the world to him. She’ll have a wonderful life with Jimmy. He tells her not to worry about anything else. They hug. They both look unsure and unhappy. And so am I.


Tess walks over to the back of a semi. She opens the door. Bette is sitting inside. She yells that Tess should have died on the bus. Tess notes that it’s lucky she ducked. She tells Bette that maybe after a few years at Belle Reve they’ll let her see the sun again or she can go with Tess. Where are this girl’s parents? She’s a minor. Bette says that she’d rather Belle Reve than being a lab rat in Montana. Tess says that she closed down the facility after she heard about what went on there. She tried to tell Bette. Bette wonders why Tess was looking for her. Tess replies that Bette is powerful and it’s about time the world treated her as such. She wants to introduce Bette to a team of people like her. Bette says that she doesn’t play well in a team. Tess is sure that once Bette meets everyone, she’ll feel like she fits in. Tess says she knows what it’s like to be alone, angry, trapped. She adds they’ll make a hero out of Bette yet. Tess is very cold and calculating. A hero? Sounds like the Legion of Doom.


At the DP, Lois shows Clark her front page article. Her front page article? Clark did all the thinking; Lois spouted off rules that she systematically broke. Clark is not impressed. He says that while he’s glad Lois got her story, it took a few more turns that he’d like. Lois complains about Clark disappearing. Clark quips that he’s sorry that she can’t keep up. The important thing is that Chloe figured it out for herself and is okay. Lois can’t believe Chloe’s getting married... to Jimmy Olsen. Clark says that she should be happy for them. Lois gives Clark a marked up copy of his obit. Lois proofed his obit? The woman who is "iconically" a bad speller? Lois says that Clark’s got talent and when she started at the Inquisitor all she cared about is getting the best stories on the front page. But now she’s more proud they (read: Clark) uncovered the truth than she got a headline. Retcon! She thanks him for giving her the story helping her with the story.

At Isis Chloe leaves a voice mail to Davis to thank him for helping with Bette. She adds that she’s decided to reopen the Isis Foundation. The camera pans to a naked Davis shivering outside.