The Art of Writing for Smallville (Part 2)

This is the second part of The Art of Writing for Smallville. Click here to read part 1 and click on Next at the bottom of each page for the next part.

The Lana Lang Corner

Clark has never felt he could trust Lana with his secret. He’s always been afraid of how she’ll react when he tells her the truth. Throughout the series, Lana shows clear signs of being xenophobic. After all, her parents died in the first meteor shower. She’s been the target of countless meteor freaks. She survived the second meteor shower and witnessed the heinous acts of the Disciples of Zod. She’s had to deal first hand with Zod. More recently, she acknowledged that she wouldn’t be opposed to Level 33.1; worked with Lex to uncover the secrets behind Fine’s ship and the "black box"; and referred to Baern and the DoZ as "things".

Lana has always been a fickle girl. She strung Clark along when she was with Whitney. She thinks nothing about cheating on her boyfriend du jour (Whitney, Jason, Lex). She was jealous of Chloe when Clark showed an interest in her. She lied to Chloe about wanting Clark. In a way it’s par for the course though. Lana’s mom cheated on her husband; Aunt Louise cheated on her husband; and witch Isobel was anything but nice.

When Clark and Lana aren’t making moon-eyes at each other, she’s quick to believe the worst of him (he’s a vigilante "Extinction", he’s going to kill Lex "Vessel"; he flies into rages and damages property "Visage"). There are more examples but those are the ones that spring to mind right now.

Her biggest hang-ups though are an obsessive need to know everything and a pathological abhorrence of lies. She cannot tolerate when she feels someone is keeping things from her. She’s ready to cheat on Whitney when he refuses to tell her what’s bugging him. She nags Clark constantly about his secret. When they are dating she needles him so much that Clark feels he must tell her his secret or risk losing her. She takes up with Jason because he doesn't lie to her like Clark does. She runs to Lex because he trusts her and always tells her the truth.

For all her hang-ups about “secrets and lies”, Lana has never hesitated to lie or keep secrets when it serves her purpose. She lied to Jason and kept the whereabouts of the stone a secret. She lied to Clark about working with Lex. She lied to Lex. She’s also not above using any means necessary to get what she feels she’s entitled to. She allowed Lex to cover-up Genevieve Teague’s murder. She blackmailed Dr. Grohl. She deceived Martha into staying at the farm. She tricked Clark and Chloe to get at Clark’s secret. She was ready to leave Lex at the altar to run off with Clark (while she was pregnant with Lex’s baby!). She tortured Lionel at the hospital. She was willing to let Lex die in the tunnels. She framed Lex for her murder and allowed an innocent man to go to jail. And she embezzled $10 million dollars.

Lana has always counted on Lex. She went into partnership with Lex for the Talon. She went to Lex when she needed to learn to defend herself. She asked for Lex's help when Perry White bothered her. She allowed Lex to cover-up Genevieve Teague’s murder. She went to Lex to complain about Clark. When Clark broke up with her, she ran to Lex and soon thereafter they were a couple. Even after their failed marriage, Lana still counts on Lex to make all her misdeeds go away.

Speculation abounded as to how Lana could possibly avoid being prosecuted for faking her death, burning a body, framing a man for murder and the worse consequence of all – how she’ll escape Lex’s wrath. Not to worry – the writers had it all figured out.

All Lana’s misdeeds, her hang-ups, and her downright criminal behavior are promptly forgotten or retconned away as she magically waltzes back into Clark’s life. Clark, for his part, asks no questions after Lana admits that she’s committed a “serious crime”. He doesn’t even ask whether she’s still married to Lex. He is not curious to know how Lana found out about his abilities. He offers to have her stay at the farm where she can be Martha to his Jonathan (with a side order of Kara as Clark). I kid you not.

Lana is just peachy that Clark lied to her for years. And she’s okay with Clark being an alien; doesn’t bat an eyelash when she finds out Kara is one too. Hmm, what exactly was the point of the six year build-up? And the consequences of Lex’s wrath? It’s the easiest resolution of all. Instead of being pissed, Lex gives her his blessing to go play house with Clark and makes all evidence against her disappear. He even calls her "brilliant" and applauds her deviousness.

Hey, Al, Miles, SV writers, Sweet called! They want royalties for the use of their fan fiction.

Next