The Art of Writing for Smallville (Part 4)

This is the fourth part of The Art of Writing for Smallville. Click here to read part 1 and click on Next at the bottom of each page for the next part.

The Clana Corner

From the "Pilot" Clark has a weakness for Lana Lang, the head cheerleader. Even though Lana is a junior and Whitney Fordman (the football jock) is a senior in high school, Lana is Whitney’s girlfriend. Clark’s crush is cute and endearing. He doesn’t know her but he crushes on her from afar. What adolescent hasn’t done that?

In s2 with Whitney gone, Clark gets closer to Lana but he still doesn’t trust her enough to tell her his secret. They circle around each other all season until Clark finally makes his move in "Calling". Unfortunately, Jor-El tells Clark it’s time for him to leave Smallville. After a series of tragedies Clark breaks off with Lana and leaves SV hopped up on Red K.

In s3, after three months in Metropolis, Clark comes back to SV ("Phoenix"). He tells Lana that she’ll never handle knowing the whole truth about him. He adds that he thought they could make their relationship work, but now he’s convinced that it won’t work between them. Despite Clark’s resolve, they circle each other some more until Lana decides that being around Clark is dangerous ("Shattered"). The irony is that the danger Lana found herself in is due to her volunteering to help Lex. It had nothing to do with Clark.

Anyway, because Lana must have a guy around her at all times, Lana gets close to Adam. Predictably, Adam goes crazy and tries to kill Lana. Clark and Lana circle each other some more until Lana decides she doesn’t want a relationship; she wants to see the world. She is accepted to the Paris School of Art. Clark debates whether he should tell Lana his secret to get her to stay in SV. But, when Pete leaves SV because he can’t handle knowing Clark’s secret, Clark decides that telling Lana would endanger her.

In s4, Lana comes back from Paris with Jason Teague. While Lana is dating/living with Jason, she’s barely civil to Clark. Clark takes it – it is Lana after all. Jason and Lana are together until Jason suddenly turns evil, paving the way for Clark and Lana to give their "relationship" another go (because it worked out so well in the past).

In s5, Clark loses his powers for a few weeks. During that time he and Lana are close and happy. When he regains his powers, however, he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing his secret with Lana. Lana nags him until he feels that he has to come clean or risk losing her.

After another series of tragedies ("Reckoning"), Clark and Lana break up (again and again and again).

Lana, unable to be alone for any length of time, runs to Lex. Clark is left believing that his greatest power is to hurt Lana and losing her is the hardest thing he’s had to endure. He says this crap after he just lost his father; he fought against the Disciples of Zod; he stopped a nuclear missile; he has saved the lives of countless people. Clark Kent: Drama Queen.

In s6, Lana is happy with Lex and pretty much treats Clark with disdain until she suddenly decides she wants Clark back. She deceives Martha; gets on the farm and looks through Clark's room and the barn to get at his secret. Clark is aware of her spying on him but is not bothered by it. You know, if anyone else had done that, Clark would have been furious. But because it's Lana, he admires her tenacity. When Lana doesn't get at the secret that way, she tricks Clark and Chloe into revealing Clark's secret.

Clark for his part appears to have moved on from Lana. He helps the nascent Justice League; accepts responsibility for the Zoners; and decides he must do his training. But when Lana shows the slightest interest, Clark forgets the JL, Zoners and his training and superspeeds back to Lana because well apparently he’s learnt nothing after six years.

 

Lana now knows the secret (Clark never asks how she knows); now they can be happy... despite the fact that Lana:

1. ran off to be with Clark’s enemy
   
2. accused Clark of wanting to kill Lex (does she know Clark at all?)
   
3. moved in with and had sexual relations with Lex Luthor
   
4. treated Clark, yet again, like dirt (going so far as to tell him she doesn’t know how she could have loved him)
   
5. was willing to leave Lex to die in the tunnels ("Nemesis")
   
6. faked her own death and ran off to hide in China
   
7. burnt a body so the police would find a body in the SUV
   
8. framed an innocent man for her "murder"
   
9. allowed another innocent man to die in prison for her "murder"
   
10. told Clark that she had committed a serious crime
    
11. embezzled $10 M from Lex
    
12. lied about embezzling money from Lex (Clark didn’t look like he believed her)
    
13. wore an ugly blond wig (yeah, technically it’s not a crime but it should be - see pic)
    

And, as if Lana’s past actions haven’t been cause enough for Clark to finally ditch her, Lana has more recently:

lied to Clark

had Lionel kidnapped and tortured

went after Lionel with a shovel

is partly responsible for Marilyn’s death

is spying on Lex

lied about wanting to help the meteor-infected (let’s face it Lana only wants to help Lana)

The writers have glorified this "relationship" (and Lana!) in the last couple of seasons to the detriment of Clark’s character (and every other character but that’s another post). Clark looks like a dim-witted moron for inviting Lex’s wife to live with him without asking her any questions – even while being aware of the first ten items in the first list. He looks like an idiot for choosing, yet again, to stay blissfully ignorant with Lana in Smallville instead of showing a need/desire to help others ("Action").

Clark is no longer that naïve teenage boy from the "Pilot". And his obsession with this unhealthy relationship is no longer cute and endearing. He is a twenty year old man who’s seen an awful lot to willfully bury his head in the sand.

How is Clark Kent supposed to move on from Lana (like we know he should because she is nothing like the perfect pretty pink princess in his mind – see "Labyrinth") when Lana can say and do anything and everything is conveniently swept under the rug, retconned away or, worse, blamed on the Luthors (you know it's coming)?

Furthermore, how does this viewer accept that Clark will one day stand for Truth and Justice when his moral compass fluctuates depending on who is being devious/shady? On one extreme, he is very quick to accuse and condemn when dealing with Lex. On the other, he is very quick to turn a blind eye, justify or forgive when dealing with Lana.

At the rate Clark is going, he will have to be dragged kicking and screaming to become Superman. Is there any doubt that he’ll only don the cape when Lana Lang decides he should?

Al, Miles, and the SV writers, you've written yourselves into a corner with this relationship. You've assassinated the character of Clark Kent and trashed the Superman legacy to drag this farce of a relationship through seven years! What's it going to take before Clark is finally allowed to remove his "Lana blinders"?

Next*

*Is there an end to this? I don't know. The writers have written themselves into so many corners, they're pretty much in a circular room* now.

*refers to the area of a circle as the area of a polygon as the number of sides (corners) tend to infinity.